Where They Are Now
by SqueekyPhr33k
Summary: After cancellation, what did the characters do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapters. On delay due to author busy in college
1. Herpestidae

**Where They Are Now:**

**Summary: **Invader Zim characters: where they are now. After cancellation, what did they do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapter(s).

**Disclaimer:** No trees were harmed or killed in the making of this fanfic, though some electrons were inconvenienced.

**REAL Disclaimer:** Invader Zim? Yea, I knew 'em. Two words to describe that whole bunch: not mine.

**Chapter one: Herpestidae.**

Hello and welcome to Where They Are Now. This has no affiliation due to the show "Where Are They Now?" due to copyright infringements.

We will start with America's most lovable character in the show known as Invader Zim in our search of where are they now.

GIR.

What did Gir do with his time after the show was cancelled?

Well, probably what any conscious being would do.

Follow their desires and try their best to make their dreams comes true.

So, after Gir had no more obligations with the show, we must ask, what has Gir become?

To answer this question: Gir has become what he has always wished.

_To be a mongoose._

We found Gir in the woodlands of Japan, busily working as his new identity. It was quite a marvel, to see him try and blend in with the other mongooses. He has developed a mongoose outer layer that would blend in easily, if his recognizable green doggy face was obscured. But it is not.

No, definitely not.

Gir chases a frightened mongoose daily, we are not able to tell if it is the same mongoose, but it is known that he screams,

"Mongoose! Honk! Honk! Rattle! Rattle! Toot!!! CRAAAASH!!" and at that instant he flies on jets up into the air, we are unsure if he reaches orbit, but soon he plummets down to the ground, with the help of his jets, with a large crash. After three hours of lying in the dent he created, he sits directly up and asks his fellow mongooses, "Beep? Beep? Anywaaaaay, the piggie of camomile ate the world full of candy. I really love..."

He then pauses, for about three minutes, where the mongooses crowd around him closely, deciding if they should use the cloth material his costume is made from for nesting, when suddenly he shouts, "YOU!! You were the doggy I'm looking for!" While simultaneously grasping a mongoose tightly. Then he immediately he weeps, holding the deathly frightened mongoose in his arms, rocking as if it were a baby.

Most mongooses live solitary, but in this case, either Gir does not comprehend the concept of solitude, or he is quite the exception. A few mongooses have accepted him as allies against the harsh conditions of the environment, though we conclude that they've only come to Gir because he brings food and sometimes even shelter in his, seemingly, empty head.

We have witnessed this, as he opens the top of his head, and now that the mongooses have decided he is not a threat, they climb all over him, and all fight for a spot in the top of his head, to eat some of the food.

We had believed that mongooses only ate insects, lizards, snakes and rodents, but we have been proven wrong as these mongooses consume a meal of cupcakes, tacos and the curiously occasional headless clown.

After the feeding time is done, at least one mongoose curls inside Gir's head and sleeps, as Gir giggles loudly, "I gotta mongoose in mah head."

After much debate, we were able to get this exclusive interview with Gir himself:

Gir sits in a chair, still in his mongoose suit, staring up at the microphone hovering above him.

"So, Gir, what is it like? Becoming a mongoose, what you've wished for since the show first started?"

"It's like a giant barrel full of chicken, and then they all squeak and sing happy songs about doorknobs. I like doorknobs."

"Hmm, interesting. So I guess it is a fulfilling feeling? Knowing that you've accomplished an original dream."

Gir joyfully screams incoherently, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. Hehehe."

"That's quite the statement. Would you mind if we used that for a clip in our credits?"

"I like feet." Gir smiles, shaking his head wildly then immediately leaps up, attaching his mouth to the microphone and began wiggling like a fish, mumbling something about toes.

"You are quite the character."

"I am! I make cheese noises with youuuu..."

After the interview, we let Gir resume his activities in the wooded areas, and we noticed a mysterious person was approaching the group of mongooses, where they all scattered, except for Gir, who happily hugged the leg of the strange man. The man immediately lifted him and put him into a sack, slinging him over the shoulder and walking to his truck.

We decided, for the good of the ratings, to follow this man and his intentions with Gir.

The man drove to an amateur arena in Okinawa, with many spectators, waving money around, placing bets for or against the mongoose.

The ritual of this was curious, but it seemed that Gir is to fight against an opponent in this closed perimeter.

Perhaps another mongoose?

Stay tuned to find out. We'll be back after a word from our sponsor.

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And we're back.

Gir has been let out of the sack, and thrown into the arena, where the spectators have seemed to become silent.

After all the excitement of all the people looking at him got to him, Gir went to sleep after, of course, screaming "BISCUTS!"

There was an uproar in the crowd as many people were changing their bets to the opponent instead of Gir.

The booths close, and the opponent is revealed.

It is a deadly poisonous snake, reaching about three feet long. It slithers quickly over to the sleeping Gir, where it suddenly strikes him in the arm with its long sharp fangs.

There was a metal clang of sorts, where the snake immediately backed up, its teeth seeming harmed by the hard material Gir has under his mongoose self.

Gir sat up smiling wildly and reached out to the snake, where it struck him again, this time in the ear.

"Awww...I like you too, spaghetti." Gir grasps the snake in his hand, where it began swinging violently, almost tearing off Gir's small mongoose ear.

The crowd is going wild, screaming and chanting for the snake to attack the mongoose, as that is what the major bet was.

Gir then slurps up the snake, tail first and swallows it whole.

"He tasted like puddin'"

The crowd is silent, obviously shocked at the mongoose's victory, except for one man who stood on his seat, shouting "Yea you make me rich!" The man dances happily, where he goes over to the betting booth and collects his money, where he was immediately attacked by raving squirrels.

Where squirrels came from in Japan, we have not a clue, we tried to get an interview with the head squirrel we regrettably lost a good cameraman.

But the show must go on.

Gir is let back into the wooded area, and decides to tell the story to his fellow mongooses.

"And then they put me in an itchy world, where I sung all day, until I fell out and I saw the light of a large spaghetti wiggly, and then I ate my knee caps off because I thought they were cheese puffs."

And that is the latest story of Where They Are Now. Not affiliated with the Australian show, "Where Are They Now?" due to copyright infringements.

_Tune in next week, where we continue our search for the former cast of Invader Zim._

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Well? What did you think?

Oh come on, after I wrote all this, and _you _READ all this (which is amazing, I can barely stand my own stories), the least you could do is leave a review.

After I get through the five characters Gir, Zim, Dib, Gaz, and Tak, I will be taking requests on the next character, so you may begin voting now, I will be keeping track of the votes to decide which one I will do first (after Zim, Dib, ect.)

Please review!

Thank you!

Ps. The name of this chapter is the scientific name of a mongoose, just incase you were wondering. And you can call that 1-800 number, but don't mention my name.


	2. Tyrannical Tranquility

**Where They Are Now:**

**Summary: **Invader Zim characters: where they are now. After cancellation, what did they do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapter(s).

**Disclaimer:** No trees were harmed or killed in the making of this fanfic, though some electrons were inconvenienced.

**REAL Disclaimer:** Invader Zim? Yea, I knew 'em. Two words to describe that whole bunch: not mine.

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**Chapter two: Tyrannical Tranquility.**

Hello and welcome to the second chapter of Where They Are Now series on the characters of Invader Zim. Once again not affiliated with the Australian hit-TV show "Where Are They Now?" due to impending lawsuits.

We meet with the person the show was named after, a "mighty being" to use his own words.

"I AM ZIM!!"

Today we discover what this dynamic character has done with his time after the end of the show.

He has been quite successful, we are unsure if this is quite what he desired, but he has been quite successful at it.

We begin our show with this interview with the man...er Zim...himself.

"So, tell us Zim, what do you believe to be your greatest accomplishment?"

"My latest and greatest plan has been going amazingly, as I made it, and I am amazing."

"Mhmm..so what exactly _is_ your greatest plan?"

"I have been traveling this filthy world, and I have had many-a-human fall to their knees for me, as I tell them to do so. And they do. It's neat." Zim smiles.

"So all you do is go on tour, telling people of yourself, and they fall to your bidding? That's quite an amazing accomplishment, I don't know if anyone has ever been able to do that so easily–"

"Of course it is! Because I am Zim and I am amazing, and they are stupid. Stupid humans, they barely know the potential of ZIM!!!"

"I see. Now what do you have to say about the title of your sponsor?"

"Why? What is the title? Tell me."

"World Peace Tour 2007."

Zim pauses, and stares at the interviewer blankly for several moments, and then re-adjusts himself in his chair, a little uncomfortably.

"What is the meaning of this?" Zim turns to the person holding the large microphone above his head, the man shrugs.

Zim looks around, clears his throat and puts his hands in his lap uncomfortably.

"Um. You just simply do not see the ingenious of Zim! You...stupid human! As I am indeed going to make this world..." he twitches. "peaceful." He spits, disgusted.

"Um...PEACEFULLY...DOMINATED! OH YEA!" He leaps onto the chair in a victory pose. "But my sponsor has little to do with the title of the tour itself. THE WORD OF ZIIIIM!!"

**End of interview**

We asked one of the "groupies" that follow Zim on his tour that is called, "The word of Zim."

"It's just the way you interpret Zim, y'know. He's really talking about peace, and love and all that stuff. He's always speaking of 'stupid humans' when he's really talking about the stupid nature of humanity, and how it seems to bent on destruction and how the word of Zim is like zen. That's why it sounds so much alike. Zim and zen." Speaks Frank, the prophesy formerly in Saucer Morons.

"Hey! Destruction is neat!" Zim shouts at him.

"Exactly, my little friend."

"What exactly is Zim saying now?"

"He's comparing destruction and the neatness of certain people. How the obsessive-compulsive nature could be the destruction of us all." The groupie points out.

"Yes...YES!! I will destroy you all!" Zim shouts, the groupie nods.

"...And now?"

"He's reminding us to have our own lives, that Zim is not to be taken lightly, but at the same time we must live as we do. And if we obsess about Zim, he will be our destruction. Just like them over there. We call them Zimnatics."

There is a group of people twitching in the corner, shouting random quotes that Zim has said.

"Ziiimm...ZIIIMM...I AM ZIM!" A girl in the center shouts before falling backwards. Zim angrily jumps in front of the camera, shouting angrily at the girl.

"Hey! No! I AM ZIM!! You are a pathetic worm-baby. Now go and be...the worm you are." Zim shouts to the crowd, angry a human used his name as their own title.

"Yes my lord!" The group shouts in unison, as they begin acting like worms.

**Cut to narrator**

"This tour that Zim created has had quite an impact. There have been surveys on the overall approval about this new tour, and it is evident that nearly everyone loves this new craze, and those that do not live in caves."

"That's not true! I don't live in a cave! At least, not anymore." A voice bellows defiantly from the shadows.

The cameras swirl to get a picture of the voice's owner..

Out emerges Dib.

"And we're out of time! Join us next week to discover the fate...of these mortal enemies."

Zim and Dib scowl at one another.

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_A/N: I'm so sorry for the shortness of this chapter! And I'm deeply sorry that I didn't get this on sooner! I would make excuses but I know you all would just throw tomatoes at me._

_But, here's a recap if you didn't quite understand what I was getting across: Zim is unknowingly on a world peace tour, thinking that he's going farther on his mission, when he's really supporting something entirely different, but he IS successful at it. _

_And Dib's chapter will be next, but it will have some Zim in it because we don't want to deprive that little alien of his time! But Dib will also have some of his own time, so don't worry! It'll all come together next chapter._

_Thank you all so much for your reviews!!_

_I would love it even more if you reviewed again!_


	3. Paranormal Peaks and Plunges

**Where They Are Now:**

**Summary: **Invader Zim characters: where they are now. After cancellation, what did they do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapter(s).

**A/N**: And so, I did fall off the face of the earth, but fortunately I was able to tickle the earth's belly so it would burp me back up. Hey, it's better than the alternative. I did write my first sonfic as I was falling, you guys should check it out...it's not really humorous at all, but whatever. Yay! Enjoy! Please!

**Disclaimer:** No trees were harmed or killed in the making of this fanfic, though some electrons were inconvenienced.

**REAL Disclaimer:** Invader Zim? Yea, I knew 'em. Two words to describe that whole bunch: not mine.

**Recap: **Stuff went on. more specifically Dib showed up...and the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head.

**Chapter three: Paranormal Peaks and Plunges**

"Oh my. This has never happened before. A pre-invitation re-union?!" The narrator stammers, shocked at Dib's un-planned appearance. "My, this must be good for ratings! It's just like one of them reality shows...So unplanned! So...edgy..." The narrator makes excited hand movements that mean edgy. "Well, we must get a word in with this former Invader Zim main character! Dib!" The cameras and excited narrator rush over to Dib, separating Dib and Zim on accident.

"Yes?" Dib is standing, on guard, frantically looking for Zim who is suddenly no where to be found in the area. In the background, Zim is seen being carried away by a group of peace-loving hippie fangirls, he's screaming in fear all the way.

"Dib! You must be very close to Zim if you show up at his own segment of this show!"

"You could say that." Dib still was trying to push through the paparazzi as the cameras continued to follow him. "Where is that alien scum, anyway?"

"Dib, a word with you! Just a moment!"

"In a moment, the earth may be one step closer to being dominated by Zim!!" Dib scowled at the persistent narrator.

"We'll pay you triple of what we said we would in the letter."

"I never got a letter." Dib scowled at them as he continued to search and ask random people about Zim.

"It was $30,000 for a single day." The narrator shouted over to him across the hall they were now trying to follow him.

"You all can't buy me away from trying to save..." Dib stopped dead in his tracks.

"How much?" Dib looked over his shoulder trying to be casual.

"It would be $90,000 now that we've added the extra." The narrator said.

"I guess...Zim and his diabolical plans could wait for just a silly little interview." Dib said as he slipped into a conveniently placed stool and waited patiently for the interview to start.

"Dib. You were a vital part in the Invader Zim series, playing Zim's rival..."

"Playing? You think I'm playing? I'm trying to save mankind!" Dib interrupted, annoyed.

"Please, Dib. We just want to ask questions." The narrator said as the head of the show began to write him a check. Dib settled down for a moment.

"Now, we must ask, since this is the sole purpose of "Where They Are Now."...Where are you now in your life?"

"On a stool...in an interview...can't the cameras see that?" Dib asked, looking into one of the camera lenses suspiciously.

"Interesting...but what do you do with all your spare time, now that you have no obligations to Invader Zim."

"I still have obligations! I'm trying to save this world from destruction because of Zim!" Dib glared, then relaxed his expression and sighed. "Well, I have been pretty successful in my other paranormal studies."

"Hmm...yes, tell us about that."

"Well, as you know, I did live in a cave for some time, steaking out for Bigfoot. I gathered a lot of evidence, living in that cave, but I had no idea that it would actually lead to the capture of an actual yeti." He looked around, happily, hoping for some applause, but still content without. "Since then, I've gained some respect, which I was hoping would help me bring the defeat of Zim! I've wanted that my whole life!!"

"Why would you want to do that?!" The interviewer asked, a little shocked at his wish.

"He's trying to destroy mankind!"

"He's on a world peace tour."

"You don't understand!! He's on a mission for—WORLD PEACE?!" Dib shouted in confusion. "Wait...Zim?"

The interviewer nodded.

"Little green kid?" Dib wanted to make sure. "With an ego problem?"

Everyone nodded.

Dib stared at them for a long time, dazed. He was zoning out, a confused expression on his face. After a long moment of silence he finally spoke something intelligent.

"Huh? Wait...How?! Who?!"

"Zim is the main event of the World Peace Tour 2007. His specific tour is called "The Word Of Zim" Isn't that neat?" The narrator said.

"I...uh...I guess so." Dib sat, a little confused at this information, deciding to investigate. "Did he finally see that Earth is not a horrible place? Did he realize that humans are mostly good!? Did he see the light in how mass genocide of anything, besides mosquitoes, is HORRIBLE!?!?...Did he get hit in the head with a car door?"

"Woah, Dib. Too many questions. Why don't we just continue asking questions about you, and then maybe later you can find Zim and ask him yourself, while we tape your every audience-attention-grabbing move." The head of the show interrupted, while the camera zoomed in on Dib, almost uncomfortably.

"Um...ok. But this better be quick." Dib crossed his arms, his eyes wandering, looking for maybe a glimpse of Zim

"We would like to know, some major accomplishments that you hold dear that have happened since the cancellation of the show."

"Well, that bigfoot thing was pretty cool. Oh, and uh, the talking to myself thing has died down a little bit...at least I think so...Wait, maybe I don't...Anyways, I also have gotten permission to use all of my dad's equipment, even the newest beaver technology! I got some cool EVPs on tape..."

"EVP? Please fill our audience in."

"Electronic Voice Phenomena. They sure are creepy." Dib grinned. "Well, the ones I've most recently gotten are not very creepy. Mostly of an old couple bickering about not able to find each other's ectoplasm, playing marco polo. Um...something about losing teeth, and how rude it is to walk through walls. But I'm optimistic and I'm sure I'll get a live sample someday. It's been a bumpy ride, I've had many ups and downs trying to gain respect as an official paranormal investigator, but I was able–"

"So what has made you come back and find your former co-worker Zim?" The interviewer interrupted. Dib lost his train of thought as the interviewer mentioned Zim.

"We have **never** worked together." Dib glared at the interviewer. Dib mumbled so only he could hear, "'Cept for that bologna thing...that was weir--"

"That's why I said 'former'" The interviewer said back.

"But...what you just said...means that we did..." Dib trailed, getting confused at this person's logic.

"Exactly Dib, please continue."

"Uh...Well, I've tried to explain to everyone about how there is an actual alien living on this planet, but it almost costs me my reputation and respect, so I decided that the only way would be to shove it out in front of them SO THEY CANNOT DENY THE EXISTENCE OF ALIENS!" Dib shouted excitedly. "AND THEN...THE WORLD WILL KNOW THAT I WAS RIGHT!"

"Do you think that the recent occupation choice of Zim will hinder your plans? That he's now a peace-loving alien?"

"Uh...I hope not. I mean, you see, he's still an alien and people will see that...he's an alien, I think, and that will force people to open their eyes and see that I–"

"Well, Dib I thnk we're all done here, so you're free to do what you like."

"But, I wasn't done!"

_Tune in next time when Dib confronts his former rival!_

"Hey! He's STILL my rival! At least, I think."


	4. A Rivaling Reunion

**Where They Are Now**

**Summary: **Invader Zim characters: where they are now. After cancellation, what did they do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapter(s).

**A/N**: This chapter's going to be a little bit of an exception to my summary, it's not going to be a new character, but the eventful reunion of our two favorite rivals! Well, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** No trees were harmed or killed in the making of this fanfic, though some electrons were inconvenienced.

**REAL Disclaimer:** Invader Zim? Yea, I knew 'em. Two words to describe that whole bunch: not mine.

**Chapter four: A Rivaling Reunion.**

* * *

"Welcome, to what may be, the most eventful episode on the series Where They Are Now for Invader Zim. Where They Are Now has nothing to do with the _other_ show "Where Are They Now?" due to dooming accusations and large threatening lawsuits. Today we meet with two former rivals–" 

"I told you, we may STILL be rivals!"

"—while we tape their every move! Enjoy!" The narrator stepped aside and the show was underway.

The camera zooms in on Dib, where he is still sitting on the stool, curious as to what was supposed to happen. He scratches his butt, becoming unaware he's still on camera.

"Psst. Dib, do something." Someone whispers from behind.

Dib waves uncomfortably, suddenly re-aware he's being taped.

"No, Dib! For the sake of ratings, go find your rival!"

"OH RIGHT!" Dib leaps off the stool and begins running really, really fast down the hall. "I'll find you Zim! Ready or not, here I come!!" The camera tries to zoom after Dib, but he is too far away.

"Dib! Wait! The cameramen are not that fast! Noooo!! I told them not to eat those donuts!" The producer of ths show hollers.

Dib slides past a dressing room labeled, "ZIM" in one of those cheesy star cut outs. He walks up to it, very curious, a faded voice of Zim shouting is heard from behind.

"Is it really this easy? I was expecting something a little more adventurous, but I guess this will do." He opens the door where Zim is seen on an oddly large mobile phone in his dressing room, in front of a large mirror, looking bored with himself.

"Zim..." Dib hissed. Zim slowly turned on his stool and gave Dib the 'wait a minute, I'm on the phone' finger. Dib looked more confused, when he expected to be scowling at Zim the whole time, instead Zim sat bored on the phone with someone.

"Yes, yes, the laser pigs should be sufficient. That's not what I'm concerned with. I'm asking is the techno death music set for the appropriate times?" There was silence, and Dib's excitement and curiosity was falling as the moments passed.

"Zim..." Dib tried to growl at Zim, but Zim simply gave him a more persistent, 'wait a minute, I'm on the phone!' finger.

"Look, I don't care if the Kevin DJ beast insists on using the WRETCHED bee music. I am ZIM! And I command him use the death techno!" Zim promptly hung up his phone and spun on his chair to face Dib, arising and coming close. "Dib, you're looking as big headed as ever." Zim said with a smirk.

"Zim, you're looking as earth-hugging as–" Dib retorted.

"You be quiet, you...earth monkey..." Zim scowled heavily at Dib.

"Man, Zim, I was expecting something a little more diabolical than a world peace tour! I mean, really! What's gotten into you?"

"Zim has no parasites!"

"It's just an expressio–"

"Mmhm, well you clearly do not see the simple ingeniousness of my plan!" Zim said throwing his arms into the air.

Dib waited for an explanation as Zim just stood there smiling, feeling triumphant, Zim wiggled his claws in his joy, then put his arms down after a few seconds and looked around, uninterested in his rival.

"Well...?" Dib asked after a few moments.

"Well what?" Zim asked, turning his attention back to Dib.

"What's your plan?!" Dib shouted, growing impatient.

"You see, Dib, you just...wouldn't, um, see..." Zim trailed uncomfortably, trying not to let it be obvious.

"I see...I mean, I don't see...I MEAN, TELL ME YOUR PLAN!" Dib hollered. "Man, I forgot how frustrating you are."

"Yea, well I forgot how smelly and big-headed you are!" Zim shouted.

"My head's not big–stop distracting me!! Are you going to tell me your plan or not!?"

"I will...not tell you my plan!"

"You always did before! Why not now?!"

"Well, see, that's my plan."

"I see! ..I mean I don't see! I mean...I do?..No! I don't . I...uh..." Dib scratched the back of his head. "This is off to a strange start. Can you tell me, at least, what the peace tour has to do with it?"

"I..." Zim looked to the ground. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Dib asked, scowling at Zim.

Zim was silent and glanced up and down nervously, a little humiliated by his confession. Dib's eyes widened as he realized he was honest.

"You mean..." Dib stifled a laugh, "You don't know why you're on a peace tour?!"

"Well, it's not like your earth-monster head of smell has done anything special and life fulfilling and all that stupidness..." Zim mocked while waving his fingers around in strange gestures that may mean special and life fulfilling and all that stupidness.

"Actually, I—"

"WELL, CHECK THIS OUT!" Zim snapped his fingers and two random people came up and lifted him into the air. "Zim wishes to greet his posse!"

"Posse? You have a posse Zim? I didn't even think you would know that word..." Dib asked.

"Watch and see, and you will be amazed!" Zim said as he was carried away.

"Okaaay." Dib said, and decided to follow him down the hall, pushing past the cameramen that had finally caught up, out of breath.

"Oh my! What will Zim try and amaze Dib with? Will it work? Now! To a commercial before our sponsors kill us for delaying it for so long..." The main narrator said, a little fearful from the mention of disobeying their overruling sponsors...

**Commercial**

The Irken Commercial-friendly icon comes over the screen while it says "Please wait to be connected."

"Are we on?" A familiar voice is heard, the symbol is still on screen.

"Yes! This is your big intro." Another familiar voice answers.

"Big intro to what?" Purple asks.

"To the commercial we're going to do! Now, do you remember what you're supposed to say?" Red asks.

"Yea, I think so."

"Okay, now you've got to say it like you mean it, with authority!"

"Oh yea! Authority!" Purple shouts excitedly..

"No, that's not the word you got to say."

"I know, jeez, you think I would forget that word?"

The symbol vanishes, the tallest are in their usual spot on the massive, Purple is waving at the camera stupidly. A random irken puts an advanced looking boom box on the platform and presses play before scurrying away. Red shakes his head as the music starts.

"There's no call for this." Red mumbles as the music gets louder.

_To the tune of Fergie's London Bridge._

Red clears his throat.

"When I come into the club, step aside." Red sings/raps.

"Oh SNACK!" Purple shouts.

"Part the seats, don't be having me in line." Red scolds the camera.

"Oh SNACK!" Purple shouts, jumping in front of Red, Red fights for the front as his part comes up.

"Tallest authority, cause you know I gotta shine." Red brushes his fingers against his Tallest uniform.

"..." Purple misses his cue, Red nudges him and smiles nervously. "Oh...OH SNACK!"

"I'm the Tallest-Tallest, me love snacks long time."

"Oh SNACK! ...Hey! I'm the Tallest too! I love snacks too!" Purple shouts over Red.

"So buy the irken snacks and best not be annihilated!"

"Oh SNACK!" Purple is jamming his head back and forth. "Oh SNACK!" He repeats, Red has stopped completely. "Oh SNACK!" The music is fading into the background.

"Oh SNACK!" Purple keeps shouting, throwing his arms into the air, really getting into the music that is nearly gone. "Oh SNACK!" The music has completely stopped, and Red is staring at him with a weird look. "Oh SNACK!" He shouts again, continuing to jam.

"Hey!" Red shouts, waving his hands in front of Purple.. "The song's over."

"What song?" Purple asks, still bobbing his head, _somehow_ snapping his two fingers. "Oh SNACK!"

"The song we were just doing."

"Oh...I just got started..." Purple pouts.

Red just sighs and floats away.

**End commercial.**

"I'm sure if they had thumbs, our sponsor would give a thumbs up for the new Irken snacks, that is a double sponsor for the tour, 'The word of Zim.' AND this very show you're watching...So be sure to spend your money on the newly arrived Irken snacks!" The narrator speaks in an annoying sports radio voice.

Dib is following Zim down these long hallways that are beginning to become more crowded with stage crew people and props and other things someone would see backstage. Dib decides to question Zim.

"So how did you come across this whole World Peace Tour stuff, Zim? Did you finally realize that the human race is a beautiful one!?"

"NEVER!" Zim shouts, turning his head to face Dib. Zim turns around on the people's shoulders, so he can face Dib. He causes one of the people carrying him to grunt in pain as one of his claws dug into their face as he repositioned himself. Zim glares at Dib while being brought down the halls on their shoulders, facing backwards. The people carrying him continue to walk to their destination, not paying attention to what Zim and Dib are saying.

"So...then, what did you do to get into this world peace stuff?" Dib asks, a curious how Zim became so powerful so quickly, in something that he obviously wasn't wishing to do.

"I met someone who "hooked me up" as you humans say, and he found me to be a _very_ good motivational speaker, because I am, and so he put me on one of his tours he owns. Because I am Zim, and I am amazing." Zim smiles, then it fades quickly to a scowl. "I have only RECENTLY discovered it was a WRETCHED WORLD PEACE TOUR that he put me on, and I have yet to decide what I am going to do, as I don't think I'm going to be staying on–OW!! WATCH IT! YOU STUPID...EARTH SMELL!!" Zim shouts as he was run into a a low pipe sticking out from under the ceiling, his wig almost falling off from the blow.

Zim glares around at the people carrying him, who stay silent. "As I was saying...I don't think I'm going to be staying on this tour any longer, and simply make another plan. BUT FIRST!! WITNESS THE POWER OF MY...well..um, POWER!!" Zim shouts, throwing his arms into the air, where they are almost immediately knocked down by the low pipes. "Wretched earth installation! Zim's wires were never a problem!" He shouts as he caresses his arms glaring at the ceiling.

The carriers let Zim down onto the ground as they have reached the back part of this stage. Zim peers through the curtain as he sees an enormous crowd, as big as the crowd in his former plan to control the humans by being Santa. He is overexcited with joy as he sees Dib's face contort into a curious one, as Dib hears normal crowd chatter.

"Now Dib, be amazed!!" With that, Zim throws open the curtains, the crowd gasps as there is movement on the empty stage, except a microphone in the center.

Suddenly, before the crowd recognizes who it is, the curtains fall back on him, knocking him off his feet and entangled into the curtains. He shouts, but recollects himself and crawls out, the crowd is still silent, not recognizing who is crouched on stage. Zim lifts his head, revealing his face, and the crowd goes wild. Dib stares, in awe at how much these people are going wild at the simple appearance of Zim.

Zim brushes himself off and begins walking to the microphone. Everyone becomes deadly silent as they wait for what Zim is going to say. He adjusts the microphone to his height and looks around at the crowd of people.

"Ahem..." Zim clears his throat and the crowd cheers wildly.

Zim opens his mouth to speak, the crowd goes completely silent as they anticipate. Someone spontaneously combusts in the crowd, not able to handle the anticipation and anxiety. Zim closes his mouth, and thinks for a moment. The crowd is completely uninterested in the man on fire, the man himself doesn't even notice he has spontaneously combusted, still waiting for what Zim has to say.

Zim grins wickedly, causing Dib to become extremely nervous, thinking Zim has the power to simply sick the crowd on him.

"I AM ZIIIIM!!" He suddenly shouts, the crowd cheers throwing everything into the air in excitement, people start crowd surfing. Zim begins to walk away, feeling like he has accomplished something great.

"That's it?" Dib asks Zim, coming out from behind the curtain, the crowd does not take notice as they are still celebrating.

"You are amazed, are you not?" Zim questions.

"Uhm, yea...I guess so, but I mean, you aren't going to say something else?"

Zim glances back to the crowd, still cheering. "I think I've made my point." Zim says.

"Uh...well, I'm going to make one too!" Dib shoves past Zim and advances to the microphone, lifting it off the stand and begins speaking to the crowd.

"Get back here, you horrible being!" Zim shouts, running next to Dib, shouting at him to put the mike down.

"Hey, um...excuse me?" Dib asks, the crowd is still cheering, uninterested. "Is this thing on?" Dib taps on the microphone, it suddenly screeches loudly, causing Dib to grimace and hold it away from him in surprise. The crowd shouts, covering their ears from the deafening screech. "Um...Sorry about that." He looks around, preparing himself for disapproval from the crowd. "Hey! Do you know you're being conned!?!"

The crowd is confused and exchange looks with one another.

"This! Is AN ALIEN!" Dib shouts, pointing at Zim. The crowd is silent, confused at Dib's accusation.

"Whoohoo!" Someone shouts excitedly clear in the back of the crowd, unsure of what was said.

"He is an alien invader! He's here to take over the world!" Dib continues to point at Zim, who stands there, shocked.

The crowd cheers in joy.

"No! You don't understand!! He's going to destroy the world as we know it!"

The crowd cheers, and begins chanting, "WORLD PEACE! WORLD PEACE!"

"NO! NOT WORLD PEACE!" Dib shouts, the crowd grows quiet, confused chatter grows louder.

"HE'S HERE FROM ANOTHER PLANET TO DESTROY ALL OF MANKIND!!"

The crowd is silent, staring at a few Zimtranslators, hoping they had some idea, they only shrug. Someone coughs.

"AND ANY CHANCE OF WORLD PEACE!!"

The crowd is confused, chattering, wondering if they should believe this boy. Zim pushes Dib down and grabs the microphone.

"All lies!! Filthy lies!! Zim has never led you wrong!!"

The crowd cheers in approval.

Zim smiles, "Zim is not an alien!! Only...a child with a skin condition who wishes for all mankind to be peaceful and all that stuff you people like.." Zim says, trying to look as innocent as possible.

The crowd awes at Zim's deceiving innocence.

"He's just like one of 'dem pageant girlss..." Someone awes. "It's so cute how his only wish is for mankind to be peaceful an' stuff everee bodee would like." The crowd awes again. Zim growls under his breath, keeping a fake smile.

"NO! ZIM'S AN ALIEN! I...uh..." Everyone starts booing at Dib, who is becoming frantic. People start throwing random things, hollering how he's crazy and big-headed. Dib is desperate, he does _not_ want to lose his reputation as an accredited paranormal investigator. "I'LL...I'LL SHOW YOU!!" Instead of whipping out a laptop and begin showing the crowd a bunch of pictures of Zim, he decides to take sudden action.

Dib quickly grabs Zim's wig that was knocked loose earlier, revealing his antennae. Zim tries to fight Dib back for the wig, but as Dib was holding the wig away from him and Zim was trying to run towards it, Zim tripped over the microphone cord and one of his contacts fell off as he hit the ground.

The crowd gasps as Zim stands, the other contact falls out as Zim falls backwards from trying to back away and escape their shocked expressions. The microphone screeches again, but everyone is so silent and shocked, they don't pay attention to their sudden bleeding ears.

Dib stares for a moment at Zim, frozen in fear and shock of him being revealed in front of so many people. Dib shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the shock of his own actions.

"See, he is an alien!" Dib shouts, a little unnerved by how easy it was to show them Zim's true form.

The crowd is still silent, and Zim is scrambling to find the opening in the curtains that closed sometime during their argument.

"I'm normal!! I'm normal!!" Zim is repeating over and over again, still scrambling for an escape route.

"An alien?" A girl questions, then gets an excited face. "THAT...ROCKS!!!!!" Smolga is recognized shouting and jumping up in the crowd. The crowd begins to cheer, accepting that Zim is an alien. Zim stops, confused at the acceptance.

"What? No! Don't you people get it? He's an alien that is trying to destroy the world!"

The crowd suddenly stops.

"Oh...yea...forgot about that part." Someone states, Dib sighs in relief.

"I'M NOT! I'M...I'M NORMAL! I'M NORMAL!" Zim is shouting at the top of his lungs, he is now facing the crowd in his irken form. He continues to shout for a long time, the crowd is simply watching. "I'M NORMAL! I'M NORMAL!" He stops as he needs to catch his breath.

Zim takes a deep breath, calming himself, and snatches the mike away from the still shocked Dib.

"I...uh...My skin condition has caused me to become...become..." Zim is stammering for a word, he leans over to Dib, covering the microphone. "What is that word you humans call when something loses its disgusting hair?"

"Shedding?" Dib asks, confused of where this is going.

"I'm shedding!!" Zim shouts triumphantly.

The crowd looks at him confused. Zim growls in frustration.

"No, the other one, Dib! The one about the head!" Zim asks angrily, pointing to his green head.

"B-balding?" Dib stutters, then realizes what Zim is about to do. "Hey! Wait, noooo!"

"I'm simply BALDING! These are all that is left of my hair." Zim strokes one of his antennae, looking to the ground, pouting as innocent as he can.

The crowd awes in sympathy.

Dib shouts toward the microphone. "Wait! What about his eyes? Huh?! Those are pretty alien, right?!" Dib hollers in desperation. Zim trying to cover up the mike from Dib shouting into it, but the sound still gets through to the crowd.

The crowd begins to chatter about whether Zim is an alien or not.

"I uh..." Zim looks around, then collects the contacts quickly and shoves them back into his eyes. "It was simply a...uh...special effect mistake! See? My eyes are _normal_ now!"

Everyone gives a collective "Oh." and accepts Zim's explanation.

"Wait! You all can't just believe that, can you?!" Dib shouts.

The crowd collectively shrugs and begins chattering amongst themselves about different things.

"That's not...I...I-I, uh. ZIM!" Dib spins as Zim is putting on his wig. "I will still stop you at every turn! Don't think that this will discourage me now that I–"

"Take him away." Zim waves Dib away and random guards come and drag Dib away. "Nice try, Dib, but I am just too great for your accusations and such to even matter!"

"I did more than accuse you!!!" Dib shouts until he is out of Zim's sight.Dib only sighs as he is dragged away by the security guards. He is tossed out of the building's entrance.

"Well...that was interesting." Dib says as he collects himself and stands, brushing himself off.

The producer of Where They Are Now, comes up and hands Dib his check.

"There ya go. But, you'll need to come in for a reunion of the entire cast some other time. We'll let ya know. It was nice working with ya." The man shakes hands with Dib, he nods and smiles.

"Well, I guess it wasn't so bad." Dib glances over his check, and quickly slips it into his pocket _before_ a random hawk flies and takes it away.

_Watch and see next time when we broadcast one of our scariest interviews yet! _

"I haven't seen my sister in a while!" Dib says excitedly as he hears the narrator do his ending part of the show.

"You'll see her in the reunion, now move along." The producer waves Dib on.

* * *

A/N: This thing would not upload yesterday, it was making me VERY angry, but it's up now, so yay! 

I apologize for the horrible-ness that I put the Tallest through, it was a silly dedication to Bowling For Soup's version of Fergie's London Bridge, which cracks me up every time I hear/see it. And I couldn't help but envision Purple yelling "Oh Snack!"

I assure you that this was not the last you would see of the Tallest in this fanfiction! I will have a chapter for them separately, this was only a taste for you all, hope you enjoyed its nasty aftertaste that it may have left you, as it did me.

R&R if you wish:)


	5. Gaming Guru

_Finally, eh? I'm really sorry about the long wait. I've been working on this chapter on and off between moments to spare, and it's been really frustrating...but, I hope you enjoy it!_

**Where They Are Now:**

**Summary: **Invader Zim characters: where they are now. After cancellation, what did they do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapter(s).

**A/N**: Well, here we are...Gaz's chapter, oh my. I hope I don't die! (Yay rhyming) If you haven't noticed, I like alliterations for chapter titles...especially since this is a humorous fanfic, it just seems to fit the mood. :)

**Disclaimer:** No trees were harmed or killed in the making of this fanfic, though some electrons were inconvenienced.

**REAL Disclaimer:** Invader Zim? Yea, I knew 'em. Two words to describe that whole bunch: not mine.

**Chapter four: Gaming Guru**

* * *

"Here we are again! Another episode of Where They Are Now! Which may be the most frightening one we've ever aired!" The narrator spoke and nervously moved away from the camera, revealing a large office with an intimidating office chair at the end of a long walkway.

The office chair is dark, tall and pointy. It is to wonder if it is as comfortable as it is scary.

The camera is approaching the office chair slowly, there is ominous music heard in surround sound. The interviewer glances to the tech crew, wondering why the scary music is playing, the tech crew shrugs.

The cameraman and interviewer exchange nervous looks as they begin to approach the end of the walkway.

"Um...Miss?" The interviewer asks meekly.

"What?" An annoyed voice is heard from behind the frightening chair. "I'm busy."

"Yes, well...we tried to schedule an interview..." The interviewer clears his throat. "Did you get the memo?"

"Yes. I'm just ignoring you." The voice growls. "What kind of stupid reality show are you again? Where Are They Now?"

"Actually...it's Where They ARE Now. Completely different, you see." The interviewer speaks.

"Completely stupid, you mean." The voice snapped.

"Yes, ma'am." The interviewer lowered his head. "Are you still willing to...possibly... I mean, it's up to you entirely...you know...um–"

"Get to the point!"

"Would you like to, maybe, interview?"

There was no response, only the ominous music still playing, it progressed to a more dramatic and frightening tune that was intensifying the mood. The interviewer gulped, becoming frightened for his life.

"Well, um...you know we could easily re-schedule–"

"Be quiet!" The voice shouted

"Um...sorry." The interviewer muttered.

The music came to a frightening grandiose climax and a few staff members of the show exited quickly, unable to control their bladders from the impending feeling that they were going to suffer greatly.

"Hope you like Nightmare Worlds!" The voice shouted, the interviewer fainted promptly and the cameraman dropped to his knees and began begging for his life immediately.

The chair spun around and the entire crew gasped and jumped back in horror from the sudden movement. Except for the passed out interviewer, who simply twitched at the sound.

"This better be quick." She growled as her face came into the light. There sat, of course, the famous gamer, Gaz.

"Uhmmm...uh..." Someone stammered. "Our interviewer just fainted...um...give us a sec."

"Hurry up! I'm going to watch the commercial for my latest game, Nightmare Worlds, again so I can decide if it's good enough." She growled. "You all better buy it AND LIKE it when it comes out."

Everyone nods exuberantly.

The crew drags the interviewer upright and stands him on his feet, but this was not such a good idea as he fell over again. The impact from the fall awoke him, where he proceeded to scream like a girl.

Gaz only rose an eyebrow as the man ran out of breath from screaming so high pitched.

"Are you finished? I don't have all day." She growled.

"Um, of course...ahem." The interviewer cleared his throat and began the scary interview.

"Gaz...you, so far, have become the most successful of all the cast from Invader Zim. You started out as critic for games all around, and you mastered that quickly, becoming one of the most well respected critics for games ever. Then, you went on to start up your own gaming company, which has done VERY well these past couple years with new games like "Big-headed beat up," where the main character continuously beats up a large headed character with as many things as possible before he makes his pointless...point. Um, Other games like, "Piggy Porklord," and "Make Them Pay!"And who could forget, your most popular game so far, "Annoying Extraterrestrial Unintelligence," where you must fight the stupidity of the universe all while trying to deal with a lagging, stupid sibling."

There was a long silence, as Gaz sat, arms crossed, unimpressed. A microphone outstretched to her oddly close, and she scowled up at them.

"What?" She growled.

"Do you have any comments on your accomplishments?"

"No. Why should I?"

"Um...I don't know...everyone else did." The interviewer shrugs, the microphone coming close to Gaz's face again. "Okay, well...what are your next plans?"

"To stab that microphone into your eyes if you don't get it out of my face."

The microphone was removed promptly by the screaming tech crew.

Gaz sighed. "I can make a comment on my new game, 'Nightmare Worlds.' It's pretty cool, I guess."

"May we ask what it is about?"

"Yes, but it doesn't mean I'll answer." She growled, turning to her computer, looking bored.

"Oh...well...um, would you like to? It might help with publicity for the game."

"I hired someone for that." Gaz shot a glare at them, making a few lose control of their bladder. Someone screeched like a monkey in fear. Fear monkey noises. "Just to get you to be quiet, I guess I'll say something about it."

Gaz leaned back in her chair reclining and putting a finger to her chin.

"I would have to say it's one of my favorites that I've created so far. This game is sort of...proving what I'm capable of, and that I actually meant all that talk of sending people to nightmare worlds."

"Interesting. You think people doubted it, when you said that?"

"They better not have." She scowled across gradually less populated room.

"I see." The interviewer paused, and looked to his sheet of things to talk about. "Um...in the show, for one episode, you had a sort of rivalry with a character named Iggins."

Gaz's eye opened and twitched at the sound of his name. Lighting flashed behind her outside the window, even though it was a bright sunny day a moment ago. The tech crew fainted, and the interviewer would have, but he was still busy looking at his papers.

She suddenly took a deep breath before the interviewer looked up, the sun came out again and an obese bird flew by, happily chirping and rested on one of the window rails outside the full-length windows.

"He was not my 'rival.' He was just an overly-annoying boy who insisted on being a 'better gamer than me.'" She scoffed. "Besides, he died in a freak elevator crash."

"Oh contraire!" A voice shouted beyond the double doors of her large office. In stepped a very ugly short looking woman in a flowered dress.

Everyone gasped dramatically for no apparent reason.

Gaz raised an eyebrow at the sudden entrance of her strange secretary.

"Brenda. I didn't call you." Gaz scowled.

"Oh...okay." The small woman shrugged and began to walk away. "Oh wait! That doesn't matter! Because...!!!" Brenda began to unbutton her dress.

The entire room screamed. Scary granny-panties and a giant bra emerged for the world to see.

"Wait! There's more!" Brenda began to take off the granny panties and bra.

The entire room screamed again.

"Wait! The FCC will have us for sure!!" The interviewer shouted. "Please stop!"

But instead of seeing scary granny parts, there was another body underneath, wearing a t shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Uh..." The interviewer stammered.

And then, Brenda began to take off her face. Yes, take off her face.

Underneath the wrinkly mask, lay the chubby face of Iggins himself.

Gaz's eyebrow twitched.

"I did not die in that freak elevator crash! It made me stronger! I was so healthy after that, I could fly!" He threw his arms up in the air. "But...then I lost it quickly after my name was randomly shouted and displayed behind me. So I plummeted to the ground. But I'm okay now!" He grinned happily, making everyone very uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable, that they began to clap, unsure if they should for this strange individual.

"Thank you, thank you. This reminds me of that time I beat Vampire Piggy Hunter 3000 in that old gaming place and everyone just started clapping and it was so neat!"

Lightning flashed once again, but this time it hit the obese bird as it tried to escape the sudden storm, and disappeared into a flurry of feathers. Gaz's silhouette looked could make anyone pee their pants.

"SECURITY!!!!" Gaz bellowed, very annoyed.

"Wait!" Iggins shouted. "I've come to have a gaming showdown. And show you that I always was, and always will be a better gamer than you!"

The entire room gasped dramatically and turned their attention to Gaz.

"What do you say, Gazzy?" Iggins taunted. "Hmm? You surely wouldn't turn down a chance to battle a true gamer, would you?"

Gaz arose and stood on top of her chair, looking more scary now, than she ever has.

"Oh my! You can feel the tension coursing through this room!" The narrator shouted, feeling that it was needed.

Chatter began up in the small crowd, curious if Gaz were going to take the challenge.

Gaz glowered at all of them. She raised her hand as if she were going to speak. The entire room hushed itself.

Instead of speaking she simply snapped her fingers.

Murderous dolls spilled out from every crevasse of the room, on metal legs, pinchers, and claws. Their beady red eyes entirely focused on Iggins. They prepared to attack, waiting for Gaz's cue.

"Feed." She said and they attacked, as he went running out the door screaming in terror.

"AAAAAHHH!! NOOO!!! DOES THIS MEAN I'M FIRED?! AAAAAHHH!" Iggins shouted as he ran for his life.

"Well...that was...eventful." The interviewer spoke, unaware that there were still a few dolls left in the room.

"Leave." Gaz glared at him.

"But we've only just started the interview!" He protested.

She raised her hand again.

"Okay! Okay!" The interviewer backed away slowly. "We'll leave." He turned to see the entire room was deserted, except for him, and the dolls. The tech crew had already packed up and left, before he had said "But"

"Heheh. Um...okay. Bye." He spoke before dashing out the door.

Gaz simply turned around and went back to reviewing the "Nightmare Worlds" commercial.

_This concludes our scariest episode yet! _

Gaz glares over her shoulder.

_Uh...tune in next week when we interview someone out of this world! Ahem..._

"Security! Get rid of the voice."

_AAAAAAHHHHH!!! NOO!! NOT THE PINCHERS! THE PINCHERS! AAAAAH!!_

* * *

**R&R! I know I don't deserve it...but please?**


End file.
